Ahh, the Tamagotchi. The Tamagotchi was the useless app you didn’t need way before Apple was producing useless apps that you didn’t need. Many people would say that Tamagotchi was Japanese for “Friend.” If you were told that, you were lied to. It means egg, which is just as uncreative a name as friend. I did have a Tamagotchi, but my favorite part was ignoring it until the egg was filled with its poop. Then it would die. HA.
Honestly…..F this thing. I’ll never understand why this creature was sold out all over the country. It’s creepy, it watches you sleep, and for some reason it continues talking even after you take the batteries out. I cant believe there was a time I wanted this for Christmas. One of my top regrets was saying “hey Santa, give me this bird-rat hybrid.” I must have been really bad that year, I would have preferred the lump of coal.
Every day until Christmas I will bring forth an image of a holiday special, a toy, or whatever else inspires me to think of a 90s Christmas. Just like an Advent calendar, but instead of candy or toys you get snarky comments about stuff from 15 years ago.
Yet where we shall begin is with a Rugrats Chanukah. Because in present time it is Chanukah. That’s my only reason. Anyway, the Rugrats specials were actually pretty educational, and if it wasn’t for this show I probably wouldn’t even be able to spell “Chanukah.” Seriously, I’m doing that without even using spell check.
To be honest though the Rugrats Passover stuck with me a lot more than the Chanukah episode. Something about Tommy as Moses parting the Red Sea really stuck with me. Truly inspirational.
Today Alex Rodriguez angrily walked out of his hearing against the MLB. Nobody really likes him, including fans of the team he is on. But there was, believe it or not, a time where ARod was one of the poster boys of the league. Back in 93 the Mariners took ARod first overall in the draft, everybody was hyped for the ARod era. Just look at that denim shirt and novelty tie. This was my fathers go to outfit back in the day. And how can you hate that?
It was 13 years ago today…..plus one day ago, that Vince Carter destroyed the life of 7 foot 2 Frederic Weis. Seriously, this guy was no slouch. He was drafted by the Knicks in 1999 and he was booed horribly because Knicks fans wanted local boy Ron Artest. But he still had some promise. Flash forward to today and Weis was too traumatized to ever come to the NBA after getting manhandled by Vince Carter while Ron Artest is no longer Ron Artest and is now on finally on the Knicks. In the end I feel like the Knicks were the real losers.
Getting the Scholastic book order form was quite possibly the most impactful thing to happen to me during elementary school. Sure learning to write and do math was important, but right now my Calvin and Hobbes books are what I really value. These are memories that just cant be replicated in our age of the internet.
You knew when the teacher handed these out that would not be paying attention the rest of the day. I used to circle the books and computer games I wanted and take it home to my mother hoping she would let me get one. Heck, I’m pretty sure that it is only because of the thrill of ordering these books that led to me actually reading anything.
And then there was the day where your order finally came in. The teacher would have a big box and there was always a slight moment of panic when your name didn’t get called early on. I was always like “shit, if my mother forgot to pay for this I’m almost definitely going to make an ass out of myself and cry.” Luckily that never happened, and I always got my books. Which were almost always just comics. But hey, at least I was reading.
So this is Newt Gingrich with the Power Rangers. At this point in the career of Newt he was Speaker of the House, which is about three steps away from presidency. I mean I know I would feel a lot safer if we employed the Power Rangers to protect us. With the benefit of hindsight it seems like Newt would be an obvious choice to be our Secretary of Defense. Hey Newt, what’s the plan for defending America. I don’t know, let’s get that racially stereotyped team of teenagers.